Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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