He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
