My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
