oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
