Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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