Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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