Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
