There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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