Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
