I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
