My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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