dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
