if you like me you must not know who I am
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
