I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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