as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
