On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize