Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
