I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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