I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
