If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
