had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize