On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
