I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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