this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize