We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
