after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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