dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
