i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
