i would punch a child for taco bell
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
