So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
