i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize