are you still at the devil's house?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
