I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
two words: eviction party
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
