it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
