the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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