i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
