I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I AM VODKA MAN
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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