a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
