I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
