3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
