Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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