Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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