Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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