i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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