i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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