And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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