Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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