Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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