Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
