I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize