Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
