your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
