she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
