It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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