i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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