She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He did a backflip because drugs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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