Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
