my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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