I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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