I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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