Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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