did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparently the secret to your success is patron
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
