Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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