who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
