I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
