Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
