I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
