dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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