You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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