OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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