They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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