Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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