so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
