Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
