just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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