I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
