You're so nebulous sometimes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
