Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
