It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
