Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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