I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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