but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is wine microwaveable?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
