dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
