I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize