I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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