Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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