I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
