guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
