Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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