I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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