My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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