you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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