Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
