In the future we'll all be gay
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
