...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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