Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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