I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
