Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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