Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
