You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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