Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
