Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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