i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
