dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize