Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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