Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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