At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
