It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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