im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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