Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
